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What Do Some Men Want?

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I have been married to my man for 11 years with 3 kids; number 4 is almost due.

My husband got a job opportunity in Togo in 2019. I was very thankful for the opportunity but was afraid of him cheating on me with these French girls. I however didn’t let the unknown distract me from our relationship.

I would sometimes try to find out if he is okay and how he is managing without my body, his answer is always “my plate is full. I don’t have free time to be thinking about chasing other women. It’s too stressful.” Even though sometimes his actions showed there was another woman sorting him out, I tried to take my mind off it because there was nothing I could do if he chose to sleep with other women.

Anytime insecurities set in, he would tell me, “you have nothing to worry about. I love you only and I don’t need any other woman, you are safe.” We used to visit each other every month till the 2020 lockdown. During this period I waited for him till he was able to visit when airports were opened.

Fast forward to last year, I found out that he had been having a series of affairs with university girls, random girls, his secretary etc. What hurts me is that he had been lying to me all these while making me think I was the one being paranoid. He would mostly come home with different types of infections gotten from these girls and give me strange explanations. I would help take care of him, help him treat it then endure not being intimate with him throughout his brief visit.

I try my best to be the best woman he can ever find. I cook for him any hour of the day, make my body available 24/7, run errands for him without hesitation, I’m a very peaceful wife to him who will do all it takes to avoid misunderstandings and fights. I help manage our finances (I’m working so he doesn’t give me monthly home allowance), I do everything with my money till I’m dry before he will send me money. I don’t complain because he is working on a lot of projects and paying school fees for the kids). Meanwhile, he is there spending a lot of money on these girls, shopping, meeting at hotels, eating out, buying phones, setting up shops for them.

I recently met an old classmate at the mall and we had a little chat. We exchanged numbers and he told me how he’s had a crush on me since uni, also asking if we can go on a date to catch up. I just blocked him immediately because I am very vulnerable and don’t want to open doors for any form of temptation.

What did I do wrong to be rewarded with unfaithfulness and treatment? I can’t stop him from cheating but don’t I at least deserve that he uses protection in his exploits just to protect me? I completely love my husband which is the reason I have been calm about these discoveries.

I’m a very good woman as a lot of people who know me truly will testify. Does my husband still deserve my goodness or I should give myself a break and have fun also when he is not around?

Want to share your story anonymously? Send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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