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Must We Wait to Change After Marriage?

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Good afternoon. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not. Please what is really the main purpose of dating? I used to think it’s when you study each other and decide to stay forever if you are OK with what you have seen but maybe I’m wrong.

So seven months ago, I met this guy after I had given up on love. He assured me he’s different so I wholeheartedly loved him till now. I understand I have my flaws but I always accept correction and we move on. He on the other side, thinks or says the correction can only be done in marriage. Why will I think someone will be good for marriage when I can’t see what I want in my husband during the dating stage? I really love this guy and so determined to make this relationship work but the more I try, the more I get hurt.

For example, I have an issue, not money matter. I don’t ask him for money or anything. I have a problem that is we stay in different regions. We last met in March, communication between us has mostly been greetings and asking how our day went on social media. Once in a while, a call comes through. I try to manage with it because that’s what he asked for. He claims he’s not good at communication. I told him about the problem and I went like, “something is bothering me,” and his reply was, “whatever it is, I pray God comes through for you” and that’s was all.

So I was telling him this afternoon that at least, I like his response but he could have asked further. Whatever he had in mind, I’m all ears. That will give me the assurance that he’s all ears and ready to help. He told me he has heard me but he will practice it when he’s married!

My question therefore is, must one only give a listening ear in marriage? Amd how sure will one be able to know that you will experience a listening ear in marriage?.I have tried my possible best to make this work but I’m definitely not God and I have my limits. Please post for me, I need advice. Thank you.

Want to share your story anonymously kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

https://youtu.be/sefOI6BKQ1M

Written by Abena Magis

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