After the wedding, we all get comfortable. You are now living with one of your best friends and everything is going on smoothly. In my case it wasn’t exactly like that. I was on the heavy side before marriage and a year, two years after marriage, I gained a few pounds. My wife has gained a few after having children and I try not to be hard on her. Why can’t she do same?
We went to a friend’s wedding recently and when we returned all my wife could talk about was how we needed to lose weight and how we were the only “fat” friends around. I made a joke about it and it didn’t go well with her. She didn’t speak to me for some days. I thought teasing should have limits and once in a while I tease her but when she does tease me, it is wicked and brutal.
She will tease everything about me, even my shoe size. I decided to hit the gym, probably she would stop and even join me. It got worse. She would tease me morning, noon and night. When I ask for food in the house, she tells me since I want to lose weight, it isn’t advisable that I eat. When I stand my ground and order her to get me my meal, she’ll bring me something even the kids won’t eat or won’t be satisfied with.
One time she was watching a video and laughing. I asked her what was so funny and she said she was watching me. I asked to see it and she showed me a video of a fat man jogging and struggling to lose weight. I was so hurt I stood there looking at her. Then in the middle of the laughter, she asked, “what, isn’t it true?” I walked away silently.
I have been asking myself, why do some people not know where to draw the line when it comes to teasing? Am I overreacting or she is being mean? Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep because of how she teases me. There are days I want to scream at her to stop and there are days I want to give up on us. I am not enjoying the marriage anymore. She has even roped in the children on her teasing sprees.
Adjoa, our eldest who is six, one morning saw me eating cereal and started laughing. She went to call her mother that daddy is eating all the food. My wife and our son, came in and they all started laughing at me. I don’t understand. What is happening here? I have been thinking of starting to tease my wife too. She was slim and shapely before we had the kids, but you should see her now. She isn’t better than me, yet day in, day out, she teases me.
I remember one time after she had our son, I came home to meet her crying. She said she didn’t feel pretty and she had gone to the junction to get some fruits and a neighbour had reinforced her thoughts by saying unkind words to her. I did my best to calm her down. I don’t remember ever being mean to her about her body, her shape or any deformity. I know we have both teased each other before marriage about our bodies and when we settled and started gaining weight, there were one or two occasions on which we teased each other. But not this far, and not in using unkind words and actions. I am keeping my cool. I will speak to her one more time about this issue.
Although I am afraid if I do, the teasing will get worse. It did the first time I spoke to her about it. If I don’t see any change, I will stay because of the children, when they are old enough, I will ask for a separation because my mind, body and soul are growing weary.