Kofi and I were happy for over ten years without children. We don’t have children and after several attempts of having even one, we gave up because it was emotionally draining, and financially draining as well. I believed although we yearned for our own children, we were content with what we had at the moment, which is ourselves.
Our families, even though they aren’t so happy with the turn of events, they have left us to ourselves. Nobody calls to remind us that time is going. Neither does anyone visit us and ask us where our children are. But, I must say wanting something, and knowing you’ll be good at it but not having it is painful. To the public we are a brave couple but behind closed doors, only we know what we truly feel.
These past few months, I have discovered something that scares me. My husband has been talking of us trying again. Initially, I got annoyed because I believed we had come to agreement that we were going to live with what was handed over to us and not force for things or circumstances to change.
Every day he comes with a story, a hospital or a home remedy that is supposed to help our situation. I was not understanding this sudden change in behaviour because he has always been the one to support me and even encourage me to live life, a day at a time. Men really bottle up a lot. I mean, good men. That is why most die early. The weight of the physical and emotional burden they carry kill them faster than any suicide drug can.
What pushed me to begin digging was when one afternoon, I fell asleep on his laps. He know me to be a deep sleeper but that afternoon, my sleep couldn’t take me far away. His phone went off and he picked. I could hear the voice of another woman on the end of the line. They kept arguing as I went in and out of sleep. From the little I heard, it seemed he was being pressured to go against his will.
If you were in my shoes, I think you would think the same thing I was thinking. Side chick drama. So I went through his computer, his work stuff his clothes, everything. I was checking for a sign of infidelity and I found none. Then I said to myself, “you haven’t checked his phone”. I didn’t know how to check his phone because he is the kind of person that is so attentive that he hardly misses anything. If he places something at 180^ and you come and shift it to 181^, he’d notice.
So, after a while, I just took the phone and went through it. I was broken for him. The woman who called him had been calling several times, it was his mum. His texts showed a lot of chats between him and his sisters. He was under a lot of pressure to go against his will. They were asking him to get a side chick or marry one lady from their hometown so that he could have his own children and leave all his properties to.
I can understand them on one front. Kofi is older than I. It must be that they believe he will go before me, and since we have no children, everything would be left to me. As I reread the texts, I understood all the fights we had had these past few months. Why he came home each day talking about us trying again. All the annoying behavior and the on and off mood swings. It’s my husband’s silent plea of asking that we try again. He is under so much pressure, not only from the women in his life but even some of my close family.
I cried. I cried so hard it woke him up. He just hugged me closer and said we’d talk about it in the morning. We did talk but I couldn’t bring myself to let him know what I had found out. I am working on myself and psyching myself to inform him that we can try again. I have faith that this time, things will turn around for us.