THE WEDDING TALK SERIES: My Perfectionist Fiancé.

Most husband’s-to-be don’t really concern themselves with wedding planning, not because they aren’t interested or don’t have any opinions about it. They have probably held and have it ingrained in their thoughts that a wedding is a woman’s big day so they leave most of the decisions to her.  I didn’t want my future husband to see things that way and so when mine told me he wanted to be involved in everything, it made me so happy.

At the time, our wedding date hadn’t been finalized so I told him there wasn’t much to be done, only things to be talked about. When I told him that, he insisted he wanted to be involved in everything, even if it was just a mere pin we were to decide on. It made me feel so blessed to have someone who was going to be a real partner from the beginning. We were on phone that day, he listened as I spoke about my ideas and made comments here and there. I believe he was taking notes as well.

Later, he sent me a text message, listing all his ideas and thoughts he felt we should incorporate into the wedding. There were notes about the décor, our attires including the kind of shoes to be worn, the make up I was to wear, the types of rings we would get and even our hairstyles. That should have sent off a warning bell in my mind, but no. I smiled and pressed my phone to my heart.

Idealizing every word and how it would play out in reality. Finally, we set a date and begun counselling. There too, how he was acting should have sent off a signal but then again, I sat there and listened to his every word, like a student of meditation, soaking in all the words of the master and being entranced.

The counsellor had asked a question in a joking manner, “So, who is taking whose surname?” He responded quickly, “Oh she is definitely taking mine, no two ways about that” I felt he should have added something nice like, “We haven’t really given it a thought” or something.

Then she asked again, “I can see you would make a lovely couple, with a lot of kids running around, no?” then again, he didn’t look at me or ask for my input, he just answered for us both,

“Oh no, a lot of children will make everything messy, just two will do. We need our Mrs to stay in shape” that evening, with almost all the things the counsellor said or all the questions she posed, he seemed to have the perfect answer.

Not only did his “perfect” ways exist in the counselling room, it went into the kind of food we needed to serve and how it should be served. It went on to the kind of people who would usher and also serve the food and drinks. Then he complained that the cake maker’s premises hadn’t been clean enough for him. I didn’t hear the end of it. Each day came with a new set of complains and the perfect way things should be done.

It was now that I seemed to be coming to my senses. He texted me about the flowers to be used for the décor and said they weren’t sweet scented enough. Then he added how he didn’t like the colour of my bridal bouquet. Hmmm. At this point, everything he said or did was getting on my nerves. Where had this part of him being hiding all the times we had being together? Throughout our time together, he had displayed some bits of “perfectionist tendencies” but nothing as extreme as this.

When I had to go in for my wedding dress shopping, he asked to come along. That was what broke me. Everything I wore didn’t suit his taste or the picture of how his bride should look like. The attendant was getting annoyed. My mother, sister, best friend and his mom were all growing weary of his act. His sister called to find out if we were done and his mother said no.

He asked that we leave and get a good designer to sew me something more befitting. I was furious, I walked out and removed the engagement ring and placed it in his hands. I told him I was tired with everything and I didn’t feel I was the woman he was going to spend forever with. Up till today, I don’t understand why he was annoyed and hurt.

He claims he was doing everything so we could have the “perfect” memorable day of our lives. Really? At that point, who was really looking for “perfect”. We were looking for the best and comfortable but perfect? Wasn’t the marriage supposed to have more attention and “perfection” than a ceremony that wouldn’t last more than a whole day? We cancelled everything there and then and we are both still at square one.

Written by East@Edito468

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