There isn’t a right or wrong way to have babies in marriage but in my case, I wish I had had a formula on how and when to start having kids. My husband and I didn’t get to enjoy ourselves as much as we would have loved after the honeymoon. After two months of marriage, I was pregnant. Initially, we were happy about the news. We couldn’t believe we were going to be parents so soon.
I started reading everything I could find about pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood. I was ensuring I did everything right. On my blindside, my husband wasn’t happy. He felt all my attention and love had been transferred from him to our unborn child. I would talk to him about what I had learnt from my books and he would only nod. I would tell him about my weird cravings and he would tell me it was only normal.
In my mind, I thought it was probably work stress or something he wasn’t ready to talk about. As the months passed, everything changed. I went from an excited mother-to be to a tired and irritated wife. I felt he asked for sex too much. I felt he wasn’t attending to my needs. He became withdrawn and it caused tension at home. I asked him what we should do in terms of preparation for the coming baby and he told me I would figure it out. I asked him which of our mothers we should ask to come and be with us for when I gave birth but he said he didn’t mind.
Then our little bundle of joy dropped. We were happy that finally the journey was over. It changed my husband for a while. He wanted to be involved in everything. When the baby should even move an inch, he’d rush to her side. After the naming ceremony, we were back to square one. We were back on our own and solely responsible for our child. Before our baby could start saying “Mama” or “Dada”, I was pregnant again. The whole cycle started again until I gave birth but a few things changed this time around.
My husband would sulk about me breastfeeding the baby. He said he didn’t feel comfortable that his child was sharing his property with him. Whenever he wanted us to have sex, I was already exhausted from juggling a baby to caring for a toddler to running a home whilst also making sure I was also okay. All these made me miss the beginning of our marriage when it was just us two. Children are huge additions that brought us joy but our love seemed to have taken a nosedive.
There was a constant wish for a rerun to the beginning. A beginning without children and wishing we hadn’t been blessed so quickly. But I couldn’t continue moping about these bundles of joy and wishing them away. We have recently spoken about how having children so soon after marriage has affected us. We have been working on getting our initial spark back and it has been enjoyable. Three days ago, I missed my period and I went to check. Another one is on the way. I don’t know how to let my husband know that we are going to have another child soon after the last. I am scared of how it is going to affect our relationship and our daily lives. As for pregnancy itself, I don’t even want to think about the journey itself. I hope we finally let it go and go along with how life has blessed us. I pray we get a son this time around so it can be some sort of comfort for him.