I am thinking of breaking up with my girlfriend, Louisa. We have been together for close to two years and I’m not seeing any positive headway. For most parts of our relationship, she has been blowing hot and cold. She has days that she appears to be interested in me and wants to be with me. The rest of the time, it is as though I forced her to be with me. Or maybe I used “for girls” on her and it is now wearing off.
If we have lukewarm Christians, then we can have lukewarm girlfriends. Sometimes, when I open up to my guys about how she treats me, it sounds like I am forcing myself on her. Far from that, I have only been myself but never have I imposed myself or my feelings on her. When I started getting closer to her, she didn’t seem interested, neither did she seem uninterested. I asked her a lot of questions to make sure we could have a relationship alright. She would answer my questions with some amusement in her voice.
The night I asked her to be my girl, she gave me the usual, “let me think about it” line. I was understanding. I tried not to be around her a lot or bring up that discussion until she herself brought it up. So, after she had said all that was on her chest, I asked her, “Louisa, so what do you say to my proposal?” she went quiet for some time, played with the edges of her skirt and replied, “I will be your girlfriend”
There was this relief within me, she was my specs paa; dark chocolate skin, sweet smile, nice body and some good morals. I had wanted to kiss her but I checked myself and just allowed us to enjoy the moment before taking my leave. The first few months, I observed that she wasn’t acting like someone in a relationship. She didn’t mind not hearing from me, she sometimes didn’t use sweet words with me and she acted like she was not bothered by anything.
I asked her about these behaviours and that brought about our first fight. I asked her if she really wanted this and she said yes. Then I asked her why she wasn’t acting like a girlfriend: no or little calling, no initiating conversations, physical touches or outings or anything. Everything had to be me. The days she did, it was like she had been forced. Her voice would sound without emotion and everything was dull.
I spoke up about it again and gradually, there was a little change. She appeared to enjoy our times together, she would text or call me first and on one occasion, she even allowed me to kiss her. Boy, was it such a sweet and lasting kiss. Then as if she was on some drug, everything started wearing off, the sweet side, the acting like a real, good girlfriend and all. I didn’t seem to understand her so I asked her if probably I was at fault.
She shook her head and said no. I asked her if I wasn’t her spec, she said I was. I asked if I was doing something wrong, she said we were fine. I again asked her if maybe she wanted something from me, maybe money. She said she understood I was building myself up so she appreciated the little things I did. I paused for a while. “Louisa nti seisei no, wohaw paa ne sɛn?” She sat there quietly and shook her head.
Me, since she wasn’t talking, I left her and went home. The following day, she called me to apologize. I told her that she should make up her mind. You are either in or out. We can’t make things work with how things were between us. Gradually, like a dying plant, she turned around. Everything and everywhere turned green. I honestly thought that the worst had passed. Then just when we were about to clock two years, this situation has reared its ugly head again.
I have decided not to talk about it but I am only watching her actions. I have been dropping hints of my displeasure with her attitude but it seems not to be clicking. One day she will wake up and realize she is in a relationship all by herself…. and that’s if she even cares.