RELATIONSHIPS: I Still Can’t Tell If She Loves Me.

In relationships, it is mostly guys who say the three magic words first. Before we started to date, my wife and I had been friends for a while. We came together after three failed relationships on each side. For me, I’m an optimistic person and so although I had been hurt in my previous relationships, I had learnt to let go. I wouldn’t say my exes were all evil. There were things I also did wrong that contributed to the breakdown of all those relationships. So when I came together with my wife, who was then my girlfriend, I had worked and was working on myself.

On the other hand, my wife had been terribly hit by the break ups on her side. She had been tricked twice into believing that they were going to get married and had been treated harshly until they had dumped her. She would always tell me how hurt and devastated she felt, I would listen and reassure her that better days were ahead. So after being close after a couple of months, we became an item.

I did my best to put her mind at rest but there were days that she made me feel she would rather be single. Sometimes she would have mood swings that went on for days but I wanted to be there for her even when her actions were hurting me. The first time I told her I had developed serious feelings for her, she laughed it off. When I said, “I love you” she smiled and didn’t speak for about half an hour. I didn’t expect her there and then to also tell me she felt the same way.

Some months passed after that incident and I was waiting for her to do something out of the blue to show me she also loved me or to even voice it out. I don’t know if sometimes she could read my mind, after a serious fight one night, she called me crying that she loved me and that she wanted me to give us another chance. That wasn’t the time I needed to hear that. I had been waiting for over a year to hear those words and she was now telling me about how she truly felt?

After a few days, I thought over everything we had been through and decided to give us another chance. I saw a marked change in her words and actions but that statement, those three magic words never left her lips. It made me wonder if she truly wanted to be with me or I was some kind of rebound. Then I thought again, who does a rebound for over a year? I pushed it out of my mind and enjoyed what I had.

The next time she told me she loved me, we were getting married. It brought tears to my eyes because see, you might think hearing “I love you” is nothing but it means a lot to hear it from your lover. I always made it a point to tell her I loved her though, and each time she would smile or say, “owww” and that would be the end of it.

We’ve been married for a little over three years with one child. A son. I can count the number of times she has told me she loves me. I remember asking her once if telling me she loved me would reduce her beauty or her intelligence or perhaps her salary. She gave me the stinky eye and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day.

There are days that I still wonder if she really loves me and is with me for the right reasons or I am being taken along for a ride. She does her best as a wife and a mother but I yearn for something more. I spoke to her about it and she smiled and said, “Okay” that was the end of it. Is it that I am asking too much from her or her actions do really leave much to be desired?

Written by East@Edito468

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