RELATIONSHIPS: How Do We Get Over Fights?

Another day, another fight.  Phones were thrown at each other, then the pillows, shoes, the remote, anything. Just anything. Those fights were the violent ones. On other days, words were what was used as weapons. We would be so angry we would say anything just to hurt the other. Then we had the calm days, we would pretend to be civil, mature humans having a healthy disagreement. Those were the ones I wish we could have always. The rest only seemed to wear us out but we would still have them.

I knew since we were opposites, we would have misunderstandings, but what I couldn’t understand was how we claimed we loved each other but we would fight like rivals. After the fights, that was another issue. She could go for days without speaking to me. Well, she wasn’t the only one who did it. I also used to dish out the silent treatment. I would see her calls and ignore it. When she texted, I would read and put my phone somewhere else.

If you ask me how we used to get over the fights, quarrels and misunderstandings, I don’t know the answer I would give you. Not because I don’t want to reply you or I am being rude. I just don’t know how we did it, neither do I remember what happened. All I remember was that we would be back to our loving selves, going about our lives and our relationship until one person annoyed the other and there would be an “explosion” Then the cycle of pain and harm would start all over again. Most times, the fights were the violent type with hot exchange of words, our voices and our hearts rising, until everything was said and done and the hearts would come back to their normal resting place.

So, I sat down one afternoon, and pondered over my love life. We didn’t have a mutual adult we could look up to for counsel or as a role model. It was something I wanted. We hardly spoke to outsiders about situations we were facing in the relationship. I yearned for it at times. I knew I loved her deep down. And I also knew she felt something for me, but what was the way forward?

So I sat her down and explained everything to her. We needed to have an agreed upon way of resolving conflicts without resorting to violence or harsh words. When you are angry, you can say a lot of things, and you would say very hurtful things you can’t take back and that could destroy the relationship. She appeared remorseful and agreed that we needed to have a healthy way to handle our fights and quarrels.

It seems you will be tested on everything you say or whatever you pray about. It came to pass that we had another fight. This fight had everything in it, from hurtful words to throwing things to finally realizing how far we had gone as we started panting. Then we sat down and tried to be civil but we both weren’t willing. She spoke up and said we needed some time apart to figure things out.

I wasn’t surprised, I was about to say the same thing. So I also replied that she was right. Until we both learn how to master ourselves and our emotions, we couldn’t be together. She turned to look at me with some disbelief on her face but I repeated myself. We will always have misunderstandings in our relationship, if we truly want to keep on being together, we need to learn and act it. We need to find out how to fight with out fighting.

We hugged and parted ways. It’s being a month now and we are both still “learning.” I only pray we find out what works for us sooner than later since we both aren’t ready to let go or return to that destructive cycle.

Written by East@Edito468

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