DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
The biggest regret he has in life was getting married to me. I never cried so bitterly. I had fought and pushed away everything and everyone in my life to bring this man here. Spending almost 100,000 on him, his family and his baby mama in the last 4 years for this man to degrade me like this. I became a big time alcoholic. I couldn’t sleep because he wouldn’t come to the room and he would be on phone with the girl all night just to hurt me. l decided to get a second job so I wouldn’t be home too much. When the second job wouldn’t call me, I would get dressed like I’m going to work just to sleep in my job. I was totally defeated.
He told the baby mama I was depressed and drinking a lot and going to work always even when I wasn’t working. She told him to try and make me happy to secure green card. I knew his changed behavior was fake so I complained to his sister who introduced us. At least, I figured she had been through similar situations with her husband so I thought she would understand. She also let me have it. She told me to mind my own business. Then she and her brother and the baby mama became 1 against me. I am a bold happy person by nature but I changed into a slient shadow of myself.
I gained almost 80lbs from all the drinking and stress. I became so obsessed I started checking his phone. There, I saw all the wicked plans they had for me. They were planning to relocate to another state once he got his green card and he would file for them. The sister was in on it too. All the while he doesn’t work and all my resources were being used. I saw a message that they had taken me to juju. I became so deathly afraid of them. I couldn’t go to my family or anyone at church. I just smiled and bore it. I decided to get a 3rd job.
The other 2 jobs were at night and the 3rd one was during the day. I would come home, cook and leave immediately to work. I guess he started feeling bad because I was avoiding the house that I pay everything for totally. I would be walking and talking to myself like I was mad. The depression was going to kill me. I went to my night job one day and collapsed. They called him to come to the hospital. When I got there, I was having a mini-stroke. My blood pressure was off the charts and I was on cardiac drips. I was 26 yrs old, over 300lbs and coming to die early because a man and his woman scammed me for papers!!!! Hmmmm the wages of disobedience.
When he finally arrived at the hospital, he was beyond pissed off. I was apologizing to him and he then said that he could have been harmed on the way to come to the hospital “for a thing like you.” Again I shed tears bitterly. All the cardiac monitors began alarming. In my condition, caused by all his behavior, this man still had the guts to say this to me. It was after he said this, that my eyes opened. I told myself, I will lose this weight and care for myself because left to this man, I will drop dead and no one will hear from me. I was discharged from the hospital and I asked the doctor to schedule me for a weight loss specialist. I was able to use 1 year to lose 120lbs with God’s help.
I was seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication to help relieve my depression and anxiety. I was truly healing myself. Since the wieght loss, he has gotten his green card. I also have developed the confidence to leave him since we have no children together. I am still young and I want to finish my masters degree. He now is all over me. Telling me he loves me and he is so sorry for everything. I want to forgive him but the pains and emotional damage are just 2 deep.
I sat him down and told him to please do the right thing and return to his family. He has gotten what he came to me for and I’m really ok with that. I honestly hold no ill will towards anyone. But this man is now in love like no other. Now, he has so many future plans he wants to accomplish with me. I just keep redirecting him back to his baby mama. I want to put him out of my home, but I don’t want to do it in a harsh way. I’m afriad they will curse me again and finally kill me this time.
Especially since I have no protection from anywhere. He is still not working despite having the green card over 1 year now and I am still supporting him and his baby mama and family.I’m truly afriad of what they can do next to me. I am very prayerful that God will find me my own husband and happiness one day. Despite all that has happened, I do have to say even though his motives were not pure, he helped me at times with household chores and driving me to and from each job.
I was sick with COVID and he also helped me very well then too. I think now he has seen how beautiful I have become and realized all I have done and do for him besides his betrayal. But honestly Auntie, I want to buy a house and start building in Ghana.
I cannot make these moves with this man around me. I’m afriad if they see these projects I might end up dead. He sees the struggles of this country and realizes even with a green card all things are not straight forward. I just want to start my life again, but I still love him very much.
I cannot comfortably make a life with a man that belongs to another. I understand they used me to improve thier lives and at least they didn’t kill me in the process. So I will take whatever I have spent as loss. Am I wrong for not forgiving him ?