DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
Hi Auntie, please hide my identity. I am in a deep crisis concerning my husband. We have been together since 2015; 6 yrs now and I must say I’m so disappointed in how things have turned out.
I met my husband (who at the time lived in Ghana and I in USA) through his sister who was a friend. We had many challenges as my family, especially my uncle was not accepting the relationship. Since the beginning of our relationship, I have always supported my husband financially. Which I honestly never minded because to me he was my everything. Even while he was still based in Ghana, I invited him to travel the world with me.
I funded everything with no issue because of course, I was stupidly in love. My husband introduced me to a certain girl, saying it was one of his cousins. The girl had a child. He explained an elaborate story of how the girl was thrown out by her husband and was bitterly mistreated by her family. He was supporting her and the child since she was also sickly. I felt sorry after hearing the story and asked how I could support and of course, cash came into play.
Again, I didn’t mind because of the love I had. Eventually, he gave her my contacts and we started being friends. I often sent her money and checked on her and the child. My husband asked me if we could adopt the child as our own and I said of course. Anytime I came to Ghana, I would do shopping and bring to them. But never once did my husband let me meet them in person. We went to church one day and I saw a beautiful baby girl. I was immediately infatuated with her. She was being held by another member, I asked to play with the baby. I asked who was the child’s mother because I wanted to congratulate her on such a gorgeous girl. I was pointed in the direction of a frowning woman.
When I approached to greet her, she never responded. She gave me the most evil glare I had ever seen. All the while, my husband was standing at a distance watching the interaction. I mentioned to him later how the woman treated me and he said, “She was a frustrated, single mother.” Not knowing auntie, the woman was his so-called cousin and the child was his. I knew from the beginning that I never wanted a man with children. I questioned my husband many times and made many inquiries from others. I even asked the so-called cousin, if he had children anywhere as he is 10 yrs my senior. The woman denied it.
One day, I was angry with my husband and called his cousin to complain. I started crying, I don’t know what happened but the woman insulted me bitterly and said if I think I cannot be with the man I should leave him. “AAAHH how?” I asked. she said “You think you have won, I can use my child to control him no matter where he is on this earth” AYEEE!!! A simple cousin with vim!!! My senses were up, clearly they were not cousins. I asked him and he confessed but told me I shouldn’t be doing silly things to upset the woman.
I was so shocked and hurt, but I had already invested so much money, and time in this relationship that quitting just made me feel like a failure. Plus, I had already filed for him to come to US. Despite my family’s repeated warnings, I continued. Fast forward to when his papers were approved to come. He needed bulk money and said the woman was sick and was now living in his house?? WHAT??? I panicked and asked his sister to go to the house to see what was happening. He was so angry with me for alerting his sister and kept threatening he would not come to America again.
I was begging, so I sent money for her to get an apartment. It was obvious they were honeymooning before he arrived in US. I was crying everyday, this man was so harsh on me it was so sad. All because of this girl, meanwhile I’m going broke just to appease him and her. The time for him to come to US finally came. He got here and I called my pastor to come meet him. This man was so pissed off that I invited the pastor. That’s when the mistreatment started. Insults upon insults. I was crying everyday, I was estranged from my family because of this relationship. For this man to get here and do this, I was so depressed.
The woman would boldly call my house crying, which caused my husband to further abuse me emotionally. Finally, I called her and told her I understand the nature of their relationship and they needed greener pastures for a better life. But to use me in this way and ruin me financially as well as my relationship with all around me was wrong. The woman insulted me bitterly. When I told my husband what she said, he said I deserved it. That, that woman doesn’t just insult people unless the person is stupid. WOW
When he came, I had so many financial problems. I was working day and night and still the money was never enough. We had been married for 3 weeks and it was time for me to file for the green card application. I couldnt even make my rent let alone pay the 2000 dollars for the application. This man boldly said I don’t want him to care for his child that is why I didn’t file his application. And my family were all fools and that’s why I’m stupid and useless just like them.