I have always been a hopeless, helpless romantic. I know, we always say a “hopeless romantic” but in my case I was and well, sometimes I am still a hopeless, and helpless romantic. That is how I believe I was created. When I love you, I can’t help it. I genuinely love you and I am swept up in love. I would do anything for a friend who needs me so you can imagine if it is someone I am in a relationship with. I would do more than that for you.
When I met him, I was a sweet spring flower but by the time I left I was a withered and dying one. We met at one of these Singles Summit programs. I wasn’t necessarily there looking for love, I was there to listen and while away the time. After listening to the speaker for a few minutes, I was bored so I tried drawing. I am in no way an artist but I was doing it to pass away the time. He was seated next to me and obviously so interested in my work.
We looked at each other and smiled. Getting to the break time, he nudged me and said, “That’s a nice drowning, what is that if I may ask?” If you had seen what I had done, you would know it wasn’t anything close to nice. I laughed and answered, “You must be joking right?”
He gave me an honest look and said, “If you tilt your book slightly, you can see two ears and a pretty head.” I smiled and said thank you. He got lost in the crowd during the break bit as I said, I wasn’t there to look for love or to even, make friends so I didn’t look out for him. When we returned from the break, someone had taken his seat. He tapped me, “You let someone take my spot, and how will we finish our artwork?”
I whispered that I was sorry. The next day, I was late. Surprisingly, the empty seat I got was a seat next to him. Again, I played around in my book and he looked on with interest. Then he gently took the pencil from me, and drew a very pretty flower. I smiled at him and said thank you. Looking back, everything seems blurred, I don’t remember how we got to talking and how we exchanged contacts but we got there.
He was always texting me and calling me and being suggestive in his actions. No one called me but I went and fell in his love trap. What we had was solid, but I also don’t remember him asking me out or me saying yes. Maybe my mind is finally letting go of everything about him. Anyways, we were an item without making ourselves one. Then he started sucking the life out of me, he didn’t respect me or what I stood for. He could go days without talking to me or seeing me and still be okay without. I found myself over compensating and giving him everything I had. I got drained but I kept on giving him; my time, my affection, my money and my body.
He called me to come over one evening and silly me, I went. He didn’t ask me how I was, we didn’t have any meaningful conversation. Not even “would you like some water?” He just told me a silly story of how he was broke and how he needed money. I gave him money and then more. Afterwards, he turned cold and told me I had to leave. I was shocked. You call me to come over, you don’t treat me nicely, you ask for help and I give it to you plus more. Do I deserve this?
I walked out and on my way it rained. It rained heavily. I had to walk through the rain home. As I walked and the rain hit hard against my skin, it made me think. There were a lot of whys. Why was I with him? Why was I giving everything and not even getting as much as a dime from him? Couldn’t I see how he had changed me and was draining me? When I got home, I cried. I cried for how the flower that I was, was now something dead.
He called me three days later with another story of how he needed me. I laughed in my head. I asked him to meet me at my junction. He stood there thinking I was going to come for him. After an hour, he called me. I told him I was sorry, something had delayed me so I was coming. After another thirty minutes, it begun raining heavily. Worse than the one prior. I only laughed when I saw his call. I knew he didn’t have money to go back home but I didn’t care. I only hope he got my silent message.