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My Wife Discusses Everything with Her Male Friend

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I need the advice of your fans especially the ladies if what I’m going through is normal. The gentleman too should tell me if they will accept this from their women. It’s a long story but I will make it snappy. Please I’m going through so much mentally so insults might be a big deal for me ??

I met a lady with 2 kids coming from a failed marriage. I accepted her kids because I loved her so much. FFW she got pregnant for me and together with my family we went and did the traditional rites. We used to share each other’s phone but one day she got abusive over old messages she saw on my phone even though the dates showed were even before I met her. But she verbally assaulted me and even bit my finger when I tried stopping her from storming out of the room.

I forgave her after she apologized through my mom. Her behavior made me to also go through her phone and I started seeing flirting messages and late night calls from males as we were not staying together. I called one of the numbers and questioned the guy. He admitted he was an ex to my woman. I talked with her to stop talking to him and she agreed.

7 months into her pregnancy, I got admitted at the hospital and she came over but left her phone with me. A message popped up so I checked and it was a person she once told me was her friend. I read through and to my shock, my woman discusses almost everything about us including our sex life to this male friend. There was a replied but deleted message saying he wished to have sex with her before she delivers.

After I was discharged, I chatted with the guy and told him to stay away from my wife because he’s also married. I asked him that would he be happy if the same thing was been done to him? The next morning my wife got angry that why did I message the guy. When I asked her about the guy asking for sex, she had the nerve to tell me it was a normal message. She later apologized and deleted the guys number.

About 7 months ago, she started having frequent chats and calls with a colleague from her work place. This is a woman who can’t talk with me for 2 minutes continuously on phone but almost dedicates all her time to this colleague and even after work hours. She literally dictates when and how we should have sex, when to cuddle and can pretend to be ok.

When I try talking to her about her male friends she only sees it that I don’t want her to have friends. But as a woman shouldn’t she set a limit between friendship and relationship? She practically tells her male friend everything about her but she doesn’t tell me, sometimes I get to find out things after she’s done with it.

I want to break off this relationship but I’m stuck because of my son who is only a year old. Her 2nd child who is a girl is also so much attached to me. I know I’m not a saint because I have also abused her verbally and once physically. I’ve done my fair bit of bad things to her but I have apologized several times and she’s accepted. Both my parents and hers have apologized to her on my behalf but still…

Her problem is she values what or how outsiders say about her. She always wants them to believe she’s having a perfect life and relationship but doesn’t care about what happens in the house.
We don’t live together because of work location but I go home every off day I get to be with her and the kids. Then when I go, she’ll always be fixated about work. Sometimes I have to buy food from outside till I leave, but when her colleagues ask her to cook for her she will have time.

I have done her so many wrong too but I have apologized to her several times being it day and night. She always brings up my wrongs up as an excuse for her behavior. We can’t even have a decent conversation without her taking it as a fight or argument. Because of her, I have turned into something I never imagined.

This is a woman despite everything she has done I have never cheated on her. I’m going through a lot that I can’t focus on my work and I’m losing interest in doing anything. I stay indoors all day when I don’t go to work..I have centered my life around her to the extent that every issue between us affects me so much.

Want to share your story anonymously kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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