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My Step Father is Selfish

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Good evening. Please help me advice my mom. She has been in a relationship for about 17 years with a man with whom she hasd 2 children (she had me before their relationship, I’m 24 years now). Things were quite okay from the beginning, he was really supportive coupled with regular visits since he was working in a different town but at a point, say a few years down everything changed. He visited seldomly and refused to support my mom in anyway. He refused to pay my half-siblings school fees, no feeding fee or upkeep basically no money for anything. My mum single handedly took care of everything.

Mind you he is still doing the same job as he used to since the beginning of the relationship. Mum took care of me throughout school all alone with no help from him, not to talk being a father figure for me. I’m not so much bothered about that because he might be like I’m not his biological child which I understand) but my worry is he doesn’t support with his own children. Though my mom is a civil servant, that money is not enough to fend without support from him but she is really trying her best for her children. I wish I could support more but I just finished school and doing my service. I sometimes do in the little way I can now.


Now to the main issue, she started a small house on a small piece land she bought sometime back. She is really doing well in spite of all the responsibilities on her. She went for a loan to put in the building about GHS20,000 cedis which they are already deducting from her meager salary monthly and also she asked him (my step dad) if he could also support the project with at least 5,000 cedis. He did and agreed to also pay that off himself as a way of his little support.

I called my mom a few days ago and she told me that he has been calling her for some months to demand for a particular amount of money from her. She always sent it except for this month because she of a family emergency that came up. He became angry over this and they had an argument. Since then z he doesn’t even pick up her calls nor return them. My mom is saying she just wants to try hard and pay him back all the GHS5000 which I told her not to do so, not even a pesewa.

She should rather use it to take care of my siblings and herself because I feel he is just taking advantage of her leniency (not demanding from him and being independent) and being very selfish and self centered. She is emotionally drained and thinks a lot because of all these issues but can’t open up to anyone too. What should she do?
Kindly keep me anonymous.

Want to share your story anonymously kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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