DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
I hope you’re doing well. I am always on your wall but hardly comment. I have this issue with my husband that I would like you to help with advise.
My husband and I have been living together for 5 years now but have been married for 7 years. Since living together all he does is complain and nag about everything. He claims he has OCD. I am not a dirty girl, I am a very clean person, in fact I attended Holy Child College of Education.
He complains about how I make the bed, how I wash the dishes and even how I cook. He wants me to do everything his way because he says ‘his ways are the best.’ Our home is very clean, yes because I keep on top of it. This man hasn’t said anything positive about me nor anything I do. Example: I used to exercise in the kitchen but there is not enough space so i started exercising in the hall. This man complained bitterly like why would I do that? The hall will smell of sweat and our beautiful rug will be dirty blah blah.
My dear, just the next day we went for a run and came to do sit-ups and the rest in the same hall! He complains about how I arrange the things in the fridge, the spices and stuff in the cupboards, like everything. I try my possible best to keep up with his level of cleaning and I must say when he was away for a month due to work, my friends came to visit and they were astounded at how clean our home is. One made a comment that, ”oh so it’s not even your husband that does the cleaning as he claims but you because even though he’s away the house is spotless.”
Auntie Abena, I am tired of all this emotional abuse. He always says he doesn’t like dishes to be left overnight which I never do but guess what, each time I go to work from 8 to 8pm I’ll come home to a pile of dirty dishes in the sink and on the sides. He complains about how I eat, how I sit, how I talk and it’s nothing good. I got really angry today and told him I’ve had enough of his nagging. I told him that if I decide to pick on every little thing or mistake he does in the house like this marriage will dissolve.
I told him it’s not everything you need to pick on or complain. There are some things you need to overlook because he himself is not perfect. Just because i don’t pick on everything doesn’t mean he’s perfect, I just ignore them because we’re all humans and there’s no way we can be perfect. I can’t force him to do things my way, so far as if he had oil before the rice or vice versa, it’ll turn to ‘angwa mo’ that’s all that matters. Even cooking koraa this man wants me to do it his way. I need to put the spices in my palm to measure before I put them in the food.
Meanwhile he’s never complained of my food being salty or too much maggie or anything before so why force me to do it good way. All he keeps on saying is I’m being defensive. What kind of nonsense is that? When I try and do everything 100% and even more. I told him if he was an employer or a manager and he always negatively picked on his employees they will leave the job for him.
I am not a child. Even with children if you’re always criticizing and picking on the negatives they’ll grow to become rebellious towards you because they’ll realise you don’t see any good in them so why bother. This is the major reason he left his previous job. He’ll come home and complain bitterly that his boss doesn’t see anything good in him and that he complains about everything he does. I know my husband, when it comes to his job he put in his 101% so for him to complain it was that deep.
I said to him that “you dier you’re crying when it’s being done to you. The moment you stop nagging me and start seeing the good in me, your boss will start seeing the effort you put in” he said I’ve cursed him eeii?? and didn’t talk to me. I had to go to him on my knees to apologise and called all my ancestors to apologise on my behalf ??♀️? He has a better job now ??
With him koraa he doesn’t give me money for anything, he does the shopping for the house and that’s it. From my hair to toe, I provide everything for myself and my son and even him. I don’t ask him for anything because I know he pays the rent, buys food for the house and pay light bills but the rest is on me including kitchen utensils, home furniture and deco, our clothes, baby clothes and toys. In fact everything else is on me.
I am managing him small and he wants to stress me. Please what should I do? I feel sorry for him now because he says I make him feel stupid sometimes. I am very sympathetic towards him but he is so annoying honestly. I don’t know what else to do. Did I do or say anything wrong?
And one annoying thing is when I tell him of something he has done wrong, he’ll say because he complains about things, I also want to find something wrong about him to equalise. Who does that?
When he opens his mouth, it’s nothing but nagging eeii. Why? Am I married to a woman anaa I can’t fathom him at all.