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My Husband and His Baby Mama

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Good morning. Pease i need advice. I am in my 20s and my husband in his 30s. He had a child before i met him. I didn’t know the lady and according to my husband, they had broken up for about 3 years before we met. Auntie I married at a very young age and didn’t know anything about baby mama tantrums and issues so when the woman realized he’s married she brought the kid.

She said if he has gotten married to a different woman instead of her then he should take the kid. Already the child was worrying her so my husband told me and I said ok he can bring her. Auntie Abena I don’t know if that was my mistake or what. I give this kid the best treatment, we go for shopping together, I cook the food she wants to eat in the house. I do everything a mother will do for her child but she says she can’t call me mother because I am not the one who gave birth to her.

That when her daddy brought her to the house he introduced me to her by mentioning my name, he didn’t add mother to it so she can only call me sister. When I told my husband he only laughed and said, “but that’s true” and I said ok l. Anyway I don’t have a problem with it, it’s rather my inlaws who wanted to force her to call me mum but I told them to stop, maybe because she is a kid. (NOTE she is 9 years almost 10)

Ma’am the sad part of my story is that I have had miscarriages 3 times and my husband has started complaining that he is growing and wants kids. Auntie Abena, I have been trying my best to give him a child but it seems my best is not enough because I’ve taken so many concoctions, been to different hospitals and prayer centers hmmm but still…


I just realised he has been chatting and getting back with his baby mama. I got to know when his mum called and he gave the phone to me to talk to her. After the call, a message came which said, “now you will chose children over marriage right?” so this made me check whom it was coming from and what it was about. That was my first time going through his phone after 3 years of our marriage and there it was from the baby mama.

I read the kinda insult this lady had been sending to my husband all because of the lies the daughter had been telling her about me. My husband knows very well they’re not true but kept quiet for this lady to insult me and say anything she wants to him. So I asked myself is that how he, the daughter and the baby mama want to thank me? This is a child i take care of like mine and if this girl doesn’t tell you I am not her biological mother you won’t believe it. She has been telling people I am not her mother but still they don’t believe it.

When we get a visitor, the first thing she will tell the person is that I am not her biological mother. They will be surprised and tell her not to say that but with that all i don’t care and my husband will say he doesn’t see it necessary to respond to her mother about something which is not true and that it is up to her, if she will believe what her daughter will tell her.

In fact I was surprise at my husband’s response and I thought he will stop entertaining the woman and make their relationship centre on the kid but no, it is becoming too much for me to handle Auntie. Now he uses the kid as an excuse to go and see the woman all in the name of sending the girl to go and say hello to the mother. It is not that we stay in the same town ooooh, he has to travel 3 hours to get there

Hmmm I’m currently pregnant and am not even happy because i have had so many disappointment about my previous pregnancy and even scared to tell him. i don’t even want to, i can take care of myself. Auntie I told him if he will continue like this with the baby mama I will want a divorce. Already, he has told a lady he is no longer married.

I saw it on his phone telling her that he wants to be in a relationship with her and start all over again. Auntie i married my husband as a virgin. I do everything a married woman will do to keep her man but look at me suffering because of a child I can’t compete with. I need my peace of mind and he never said anything about what i told him so I asked him about it yesterday and he said he can’t let me go because he might not get someone like me

But I am planning of moving out and go far away. Then send some people to give him the divorce papers. I don’t need anything from him after the divorce even though we have properties in our name but I don’t need anything from him he can keep it
Advice needed please. Thank you.

Want to share your story anonymously kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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