DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
Good afternoon. I met this lady in church in the 2014. Since then we became friends and it continued in a serious relationship while I was in school. I finished and had my national service in Tamale. She even came to visit me there so I took the opportunity to introduce her to my parents and they were all happy meeting her. After that we were happy together.
Because of the distance from Accra to Tamale we only talked on phone but it got to a time communication became a problem. There were no calls from her and if I called, she’d pick up at her own time. Looking at what was going on I decided to move on but in between time, she would call me and ask me if I am still with her because she is waiting for me to come to Accra so we can tie the knot.
After my national service at Tamale I called her one night. She picked up but as we were talking, there was movement from her end like someone snatched the phone from her and hung up. I called again and to my surprise, a guy picked and said he knows about me and I should stop calling her.
Later she called me weeping. She said it was a problem she was dealing with and that I should forgive her because she told her brother about me and how things were, so was worried about me all that while. I decided to let go of that and though I still called her it wasn’t as frequent as it used to be. After some time, communication between us seized completely.
Auntie Abena, I was there when this same lady called me one night weeping uncontrollable and asking for my forgiveness. That if I don’t forgive her, she will end it all. I asked her to relax and talk to me because she knows I hate it when she cries.
That’s when the whole confession poured out. She got married (wedding) on January exactly on my birthday but the marriage broke down after 3 months because the husband impregnated a lady he introduced to her as a cousin. So she packed out and went to file a divorce in court.
I shouted, “what are you telling me, you did what? When and where that I didn’t know anything?” I told her it was a lie and until I saw the invitation and some of the pictures, I wouldn’t believe it. When she sent them, I nearly went crazy that night but she kept on apologizing and asking for forgiveness.
I asked her why she did that to me and she said there was a guy in my church who proposed to her. She refused because she told him she was in a relationship with me. By then she’d relocated to K’Dua so the guy told her that she should come and see me here in Accra. That I was with someone that I was doing everything with. That I come to church with her, go home with her when church service is over and do virtually everything with the lady so she should forget about me.
I asked her why she didn’t come and check things for herself but she said what she’d planned doing to me, if she’d come over, I would have hated her for the rest of my life. She said she spoke to her pastor and he told her to let go and move on because there were a lot of guys around so she should look at them and go for the best. She said her ex husband kept on proposing until she finally gave in because she didn’t love him but wanted to forget the pain I’d caused her (a pain I knew nothing of).
She said a whole lot of things and pleaded for forgiveness. I forgave her and we moved on. She finished with her court thing and we both decided to tie the knot. We started counseling and I did everything to make her happy and to also forget the past because her friends and colleagues were mocking her that she couldn’t stay in marriage.
Auntie Abena, can you imagine that during the counseling, her attitude towards me changed completely? She talked to me with no respect and told me that for her, she can not love, humble herself or submit to any guy who tries to be controlling.
Her definition of a controlling guy is, you calling her and asking her, “where are you?” or “what are you doing there?” That’s all. The father wasn’t well so we visited him several times until he passed on. When she told me about it, I told her I’m at work so when I close I will meet her at their family house. To the shock of my life, she spoke harshly to one of her aunties. When I said, “Maame that was too harsh,” she told me to keep quiet because when it comes to speaking, she can speak better than me in front of her family. I left the house without telling her anything.
This went on and on until it got to a time if I call her in the night she would never pick up my call. I called a friend in the ER with her and asked her to tell me the truth about why her friend’s attitude had changed towards me and if there is something I need to know, she should tell me.
The lady opened up to me and said it was difficult for her to tell me but she felt like if I were to be her brother and someone did the same thing to me she will not be happy. Then she asked, “do you know that as I am talking to you now, she is inside with a guy?” I nearly went crazy that night.
I never knew I was growing a dog to come and bite me myself. Someone I ignored all ladies in my life just to be with, a lady I picked up when all were against her and now look at what she has done to me. In fact I don’t know if I can love again because this is someone we’ve registered a business together and a lot of stuff. Hmm.