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My Fiancee Doesn’t Like My Kinda Wedding

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I am a fan. My name is Alex, a mobile money merchant. I own the business myself. There is this woman in my life that we are planning to marry August this year but I have a few concerns.

We have been debating about the form of marriage ceremony we have to choose. I told her I will want to buy the things on the list her family has sent to me and then perform the original marriage rites as a Ghanaian.

After the rites on the day of marriage, which will be witnessed and blessed by her pastor at the ceremony in her house, then we call a few friends and family loved ones to a reception to celebrate the feat. It will be followed by photography, and then proceed to the marriage registrar at the assembly to register it.

This she does not agree. She says I am trying to hide the marriage from people.

She wants to perform the original marriage rites and then go ahead to combine the White man’s civil type in the church because it is what the church does. Besides, that is what her friends have all done!!

My church prohibits combining the two forms of marriage together. According to my church’s principles, performing the original Ghanaian marriage, which we call Engagement (Traditional Marriage) is one form of marriage which is recognized by God. Adding the White man’s civil type marriage in the church is a form of double marriage.

(NB: Wedding, in the White man’s country is what the man does to signify his commitment towards the woman. The white lady’s family does not demand list of items as we traditionally do. So when the White man performs the wedding, which could be at a gathering or a church, it is the same as we traditionally presenting the list of items to the family. Copying the whiteman’s side and combining it with our traditional form is double union which cannot be biblically correct. The two rings you have to put on the woman’s finger is a clear example.)

Now she does not agree. I do not know what to do anymore. Her church requires that she performs the two while my church requires either I do the White man’s civil type without giving anything to her family or I give the listed items to the family for the traditional form to take place.

One other thing, she says there is no way she will ever go to the same church with me even after marriage. I am confused and do not know what to do! Quit or hope for the better or worse to come?

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Written by Abena Magis

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