DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
Forgive me for disturbing you at this hour but I need answers to a question that is heavy on my soul. Please is it wrong to pay for your wedding because your fiance cannot afford?
We have come a long way and he’s been my most cherished person. We met when I was 16, almost 17 and paid for my schooling throughout because my parents were struggling to take care of me. Dad told him that if his intension is to use his care as an avenue to have sex with me, get me pregnant and dump me then he should leave. He told my dad he’s helping me with only good intentions.
To me he was my boyfriend but to my parents he was just a friend. I was a very shy person so my seniors at the boarding school were always targetting my provisions. He had paid for boarding but still rented a hostel room for me alone to live in till I finished SHS.
When I finished he gave me weekly allowance aside the monthly money he gave me to save for him. I told my parents about it and they forced me to give to them. Almost GHS40,000 to invest in DKM but till today the money hasn’t been recouped. He was very much disappointed in me but forgave me.
Though he never trusted me with huge monies again, he still gave me my allowance and paid for my nursing training throughout. Took care of me through my rotation and sent me abroad to do some courses and I’m back now working.
Last year, he lost his job. He hadn’t been really saving because he said when he knows there’s money somewhere, he’ll always touch it. This affected him so I’m I’ve been the one helping with money for everything he needs. He’s been of help to me because he helps me to wash, clean and everything. I love him and we’ve come so far that I can’t disrespect when he needs me.
I’m saying this because my parents started putting pressure on him to marry me which I told them to ease up on it because he’s still trying to find a job and also his finances aren’t that good. Then they switched to me to get someone to marry me because I’m 27 and not growing young.
I discussed with him and he told me to step in if I can. I agreed that I’ll fund everything about the wedding. When he has, I have so when I have it means he has. I went for the list and started buying the things with him. My parents initially thought maybe he’s gotten a good job (he does a few rounds but nothing concrete) which I didn’t say anything to.
It’s just recently when my dad decided to add some more things to the list that I told him it’s not necessary because the items are for my personnel use. If they’re not necessary to me, there’s no need. Also he shouldn’t increase the money because it’s not like they’re in need. I take care of them. Mum was concerned why I don’t want them to make him understand that he can’t get me cheaply and I told her I’m the one taking care of most of the things because it’s my day and my own things anyway.
She told dad and the two of them called an emergency meeting with my siblings and some aunties. They said that I’m making myself too cheap for my husband to be. When I reminded them that it’s this same person who made me who I am today, they told me it’s his responsibility as my boyfriend to help me better myself but I’m not obliged to marry him if he can’t. I said no. I won’t be ungrateful.
They’re now telling me they don’t want me to make a mistake in marriage so if he’s too poor today then I should go in for someone who can take care of me. Also I’m just being grateful which is why I want to marry him.
Auntie Abena I’m grateful to him but I love him too. He’s the only man I’ve been with, not because no man wants me but, because I respect my choice being him. He’s shown me love I doubt I can get anywhere.
All those who come my way come because he dressed me, fed me, took me to school and accommodated me. If I was poor like all those years ago, none of them will even look at me. So I’ll stay with the one who made me a better woman and still encourages me today to become bigger than I am now.
My parents are now saying if I’m still insisting then they won’t be a part of this marriage. I’m hurt auntie Abena, I’m thinking of court wedding but my fiance is saying we marrying when my parents aren’t in support is bad.
His family are also worried through all these that I’ll leave and his mum keeps on telling me not to dump her son. I can’t but how do I make my parents see that what they’re doing is wrong? My siblings are also agreeing with them.
I need urgent advice please. My fiance is now very sad. If they still say no, I’m thinking of us living together and having a kid together but that’s not the right way.
Have you read the story of the guy who went to meet his pastor fingering his fiancee?