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My Fiance Wants Me to Fund Our Wedding but My Family Says No

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Forgive me for disturbing you at this hour but I need answers to a question that is heavy on my soul. Please is it wrong to pay for your wedding because your fiance cannot afford?

We have come a long way and he’s been my most cherished person. We met when I was 16, almost 17 and paid for my schooling throughout because my parents were struggling to take care of me. Dad told him that if his intension is to use his care as an avenue to have sex with me, get me pregnant and dump me then he should leave. He told my dad he’s helping me with only good intentions.

To me he was my boyfriend but to my parents he was just a friend. I was a very shy person so my seniors at the boarding school were always targetting my provisions. He had paid for boarding but still rented a hostel room for me alone to live in till I finished SHS.

When I finished he gave me weekly allowance aside the monthly money he gave me to save for him. I told my parents about it and they forced me to give to them. Almost GHS40,000 to invest in DKM but till today the money hasn’t been recouped. He was very much disappointed in me but forgave me.

Though he never trusted me with huge monies again, he still gave me my allowance and paid for my nursing training throughout. Took care of me through my rotation and sent me abroad to do some courses and I’m back now working.

Last year, he lost his job. He hadn’t been really saving because he said when he knows there’s money somewhere, he’ll always touch it. This affected him so I’m I’ve been the one helping with money for everything he needs. He’s been of help to me because he helps me to wash, clean and everything. I love him and we’ve come so far that I can’t disrespect when he needs me.

I’m saying this because my parents started putting pressure on him to marry me which I told them to ease up on it because he’s still trying to find a job and also his finances aren’t that good. Then they switched to me to get someone to marry me because I’m 27 and not growing young.

I discussed with him and he told me to step in if I can. I agreed that I’ll fund everything about the wedding. When he has, I have so when I have it means he has. I went for the list and started buying the things with him. My parents initially thought maybe he’s gotten a good job (he does a few rounds but nothing concrete) which I didn’t say anything to.

It’s just recently when my dad decided to add some more things to the list that I told him it’s not necessary because the items are for my personnel use. If they’re not necessary to me, there’s no need. Also he shouldn’t increase the money because it’s not like they’re in need. I take care of them. Mum was concerned why I don’t want them to make him understand that he can’t get me cheaply and I told her I’m the one taking care of most of the things because it’s my day and my own things anyway.

She told dad and the two of them called an emergency meeting with my siblings and some aunties. They said that I’m making myself too cheap for my husband to be. When I reminded them that it’s this same person who made me who I am today, they told me it’s his responsibility as my boyfriend to help me better myself but I’m not obliged to marry him if he can’t. I said no. I won’t be ungrateful.

They’re now telling me they don’t want me to make a mistake in marriage so if he’s too poor today then I should go in for someone who can take care of me. Also I’m just being grateful which is why I want to marry him.

Auntie Abena I’m grateful to him but I love him too. He’s the only man I’ve been with, not because no man wants me but, because I respect my choice being him. He’s shown me love I doubt I can get anywhere.

All those who come my way come because he dressed me, fed me, took me to school and accommodated me. If I was poor like all those years ago, none of them will even look at me. So I’ll stay with the one who made me a better woman and still encourages me today to become bigger than I am now.

My parents are now saying if I’m still insisting then they won’t be a part of this marriage. I’m hurt auntie Abena, I’m thinking of court wedding but my fiance is saying we marrying when my parents aren’t in support is bad.

His family are also worried through all these that I’ll leave and his mum keeps on telling me not to dump her son. I can’t but how do I make my parents see that what they’re doing is wrong? My siblings are also agreeing with them.

I need urgent advice please. My fiance is now very sad. If they still say no, I’m thinking of us living together and having a kid together but that’s not the right way.

Have you read the story of the guy who went to meet his pastor fingering his fiancee?

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Written by Abena Magis

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6 Comments

  1. My sister, I will advice you to go ahead with your plans.it is never anyone’s responsibility to help you the way he did but solely your parents’ especially your father’s unlike what your father is saying…I am sorry to say that your parent are ungrateful
    And even with that help he offered, a grateful parent would have removed certain items even from the list….
    If the guy wanted to take you cheap as your parent are claiming, trust me, he would have dump you long ago not to talk of bearing your educational bills…
    Get your church pastor to talk to them.Cos to be honest reading the whole story, I now scared of your entire family esp your dad…hmmmm

  2. I’m very sorry for the whole situation but I am sorry also to say that your family they’re very ungrateful people. My dear you are doing the right thing by not abandoning him at his most down moment. Do everything possible to keep him because he’s a rare type of person and remember his down moment won’t be for ever. Don’t give in to your family, you will regret it bitterly if you do. Keep your business too away from them, my little advise

  3. I’m glad you’re not only doing all that to show your appreciation but because you also love him and that’s great. My sister you didn’t do anything wrong by making your family aware of his current situation and considering all that he had done it will take only an ungrateful being to treat such a fellow like that. My sister sometimes it’s not everything discuss with our family or close friend. We are not able to handle the truth properly sometimes so it better not to disclose certain informations. They will not even respect him now..when he buys new dresses kraaa your family will think you’re the one clothing him now.. He’s a great guy and I know he’ll bounce back. This is time he also needs the Most..let love lead. …..

  4. My dear go ahead and marry him. From what you wrote, you are lucky to have such a thoughtful guy. A man that has invested in you becoming a better is a man to keep for a lifetime. Such guys are hard to come buy.

  5. Sis,if someone was your rock when you were nothing until u became a solid rock yourself,u have to reciprocate to such person whens/he is also down. Don’t forget,iron sharpeneth iron. Help him and be with now that he needs you most. Let your parents know that gama and posterity never sleep. So they should be very careful this decision they want to take.

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