DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
Good morning Aunty Abena. I have learnt so much about relationships and the various effects it could have on the people involved, should they end up with the wrong partner from this platform.
I wonder if there’s any other place I could have had a better experience on issues with relationship. Today I just want to share my own experience.
I was in a relationship with this Dagati guy who concluded right from the beginning that I was a cheat. I was so shocked and told him I will rather be single than date someone with such level of insecurity. But on a second thought I decided to stay in it for a while to find out what could actually make a guy who has conducted so much background checks on me and confirmed to me himself that all responses he received were positive, have this wierd perception about me.
I also wanted to prove to him I wasn’t such a person. From so much questioning, he told me his ex cheated on him so she gave him reasons never to trust anyone but funny enough, he wasn’t ready to end the relationship no matter how much I push him for a break up. All his exes I know about are from his tribe too oo.
Sometimes he could go silent for more than a week simply because he called and my number was busy and without trying to find out whom I was talking to he will say I am cheating on him. I asked him what his definition of cheating was but he couldn’t give any reasonable answer. Even on my birthday he did not wish me due to this attitude of his but I wasn’t moved because I was determined to find out his reasons for concluding that I was a cheat even against all odds.
Mind you, this is a guy who lied about his age. Infact he has three different ages, I found this out by myself and when I confronted him, he got angry and told me to keep whatever information I have about him to myself. This guy is very manipulative, if he asks me to do something for him and I’m busy with another with another task, he will start complaining that I don’t care about him.
To him everything I do should be about him. His paranoia and many other behaviours of his made me think at a point that he has mental health issues. He took contacts of my friends and some close family from my phone without my knowledge and was flirting with one of my friends which I found out. When I confronted him, there he went again that I know he loves me and no other person.
He will call her almost each day and even during those times that he wasn’t talking to me. I got to know he was flirting with her through their WhatsApp chats. It will shock you if I tell you that people around him do not know about this character of his as one of his close friends tells me that he is a very good person so I should try and stay with him.
I once told him I will tell his friends about his behavior and he told me none will believe me so I shouldn’t bother myself. He doesn’t want me to have friends or if I will, then he has to know every detail about them. He even gets jealous when I’m talking to my female friends on phone.
I will go to work and he will call about 10 times that he is scared my male colleagues will snatch me from him. He gets angry when I’m around him and someone calls and I say I’m with a friend, yet he has told about three people that I’m just a friend right in my presence. It’s so funny how people can be so engrossed in studying you that they forget you might also be studying them.
He tells me that, a man can do whatever he likes but a woman can’t and that her only business is to submit to a man, but I wonder how many women will allow themselves willingly into such slavery in our world today. His insecurity grew so worse that I had to push him really hard to get the answer I was looking for because it was becoming more than I can handle.
He can call me like 10 times in just some few minutes because I was busy and couldn’t answer the call instantly. There’s so much I can’t talk about because it will make my story more lengthy.To my surprise, this guy said someone has told him that people from my tribe always cheat on their husbands after marriage so that’s the reason for that behavior of his towards me.
At that instance I told him this is how far I can go with him as long as the relationship was concerned and come and see this guy begging me not to go, telling me how much he loves me and so on but my mind was made up. He called everyday after that until he got angry again when he called and I was talking to my mom on phone. We went silent but this time I also ignored.
His birthday came and he probably expected that I would post him on my status or get him a gift, something he never did for me but I simply wished him through a text message and that was all. Out of anger he went to post some things on his status thinking he could make me jealous with that but I wasn’t moved one bit. He called the next day asking where I was and I told him I was taking a walk with a male friend and come and see this guy calling me names, he even said I was a devil and that everything he was told concerning my tribe is true.
He called about twenty times but I didn’t mind him. He sent so many texts but I didn’t mind. This is a very educated and intelligent guy acting this way simply because of tribalism and all these biases that could come with it. Aunty Abena, even if these assumptions about my tribe are true, I don’t think they are the only tribe cheating in relationships considering what is going on in our world today if we all will be sincere on this issue.
My simple advice here is that, we are all individuals and although our race, tribe, status or creed could influence us in so many ways, we should try as much as possible not to miss our blessings due to these unjustifiable beliefs because God has so many ways of presenting these blessings to us. Thank you.
Please keep me anonymous.
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