DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
Today I will also go anonymous. We have interacted on different levels but this morning I share a hidden part of me. This is in response to the lady whose husband hates her family.
I am divorced and it was a bitter abusive marriage. Pastors blamed me when I decided to leave but I was going mad literally. I was ostracized, accused, blamed, shamed, just name it.
One thing he hated was my family. No one was allowed to visit. And when they called, he was unhappy. He brought his little sister to live with us. I didn’t mind. His dad called me to tell me that his 16 year old daughter was not with me to do housechores. I had never even asked her to help me before.
His family was always right and never wrong. They could come home at any time. I was never informed that they would visit. And when they had to sleep over, I dared not even sleep on my favorite mattress or eat what I wanted to eat. They could come into our bedroom at any time. He didn’t even like to close the bedroom door when they were around.
My younger brother who is of age visited me. That was the only time I had some joy. My ex-husband sent him packing within 2 weeks of his visit. He didn’t like it that I had someone to talk to. He thought my brother ate the provisions available. Yet, I was the one buying foodstuffs, etc.
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He wouldn’t even talk to me (not even a greeting when he got home). Upon reaching home, he would go straight to his sister’s room and ask if she had eaten and have sweet brotherly conversations with her. Oh no, they were not sexually involved!
I was just not loved ????. She is his only sister and their last born. She mattered to him more than anything. This was a man who literally moved heaven and earth to marry me. I was his trophy wife.
He always accused me of infidelity, even with my male cousins. He hated my happy moods, and found my outgoing nature sinful. ????. He thought my laughter was too loud. I was compared to any other woman.
Society judged me and called me names. Most of your readers will do same????♀️????♀️????♀️ ????
At the end of the day, I realised that no one really cares. You just have to fight to live everyday, and that’s what I did and strive to do.
What am I even saying?
Counseling didn’t work. He disrespected and feared no one.
He’s just a narcissist!
It’s taken me over 4 years to heal from the abuse I suffered (I was dying slowly for more than 7 years!)
The scripture God gave me when it was time to leave and heal was 3 John 2.
I wish above all things that thou may prosper and be in good health even as your soul prospers.
Forgiveness was terribly hard considering how much I sacrificed for the marriage, my good girl status (pious????????????), and the level of abuse I suffered.
Dear reader, prayer works, but some Pharaohs will kill you before your time. Know when to walk and when to stay.Adwoa
Abena, I know you will take a second look at my picture????. By God’s grace, I am even more beautiful now. If I don’t tell you my story, you would never guess.
I pray that any woman in a similar state would do right by herself, her future and purpose. Narcissists are real. They exist.
Abena, God has been very good to me. Like I said, prayer works… It’s hard work, but it works..
Much love, Adjoa.