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My Boyfriend was My Father

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

This has been my secret for a long time and I’m finally sharing. I started dating when I was in SHS 4. My mum’s boyfriend was living with us and he used to sexually abuse me. The only time I told my mum about what he was doing, she told me I’ve been seducing him with my way of walking and clothes I wear. She warned me never to talk to her about that again. I was shocked that day. Because of that, I had this hatred for men because my mum’s boyfriend always demanded for sex before he paid my fees.

My school daughter and I were very close. I shared all my frustrations with her and she promised to talk to her dad for me. This man came to visit us with his friend. This his friend who asked my school daughter’s father to connect me to him! He explained to me that he’ll take care of me and provide everything I needed. I finally agreed after discussing with my school daughter.

Nothing I needed that this man wouldn’t provide for me. My school fees were always paid on time, he provided everything for me. Because I didn’t need money from my mum’s boyfriend again, I refused to give in and this man sacked me from the house during vacation that I’m Ashawo and he being a church elder cannot live with a Jezebel and witch. My mother rained insults on me when I was packing out. My sponsor rented a house for me so I was 19, form 4 living in my own furnished house during the 3rd term.

After school he got me a job and sponsored my nursing training. In the second year, his wife died and he told me he wanted to make some changes in his life so, he ended things with me. It was hard for me because I had grown to really love him. He still provided everything I needed but never picked my calls nor replied my texts. I finished school, had my rotation, he put in a good word for me and I got employed at a private hospital where I’ve been working all these years.

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Auntie Abena, this is the difficult part for me to say. He was rushed to the facility in 2018 with severe chest pains. I was so happy to see him and really took care of him even though he wasn’t in my ward. Hmm. Around that same time too, my pastor had told me to reconcile with my mother because there’s no blessing in disowning my own mother. (Her boyfriend dumped her to go and marry the mother of his 4 kids…long story).

I was at the hospital 3 days later when she came to visit me there for the first time. She was on her way for church counseling and decided to pass by. I don’t know why I decided to introduce her to my former boyfriend. I just wanted her to thank him for taking care of me.

She saw him and screamed. Auntie Abena, my mother screamed his name and asked him if he slept with me. He was looking at her in shock. I knew something was very wrong but all the nurses came to tell us to take the noise outside. That’s when she dropped the bomb. I fainted.

Right now, my father and I are more close than ever. We don’t talk about our past together though. My mother died last year suddenly from an illness. My only problem is a few staff heard my father discussing it with his kids (I’ve 3 half siblings) and started gossiping about it. I wanted to leave but he encouraged me to still stay so I’m here.

It’s not that I no longer think of him that way. Sometimes, I dream about having sex with him but I know it’s a taboo. My siblings don’t blame me but we’re not close. I don’t think we can ever be close knowing I was once our father’s girlfriend.

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In a similar story, a young lady has shared how she got to know that her boyfriend was actually her father.

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Written by Abena Magis

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