DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
I started dating this guy when I was 20 years old. I met him on the 3.12.2011 on my by then best friend’s birthday night. We studied together most often, and finally we had a relationship out of it.
In the first year of our relationship, I saw how jealous he could be when ever I get close to a male friend. He had an ex but kept seeing her behind me, never caught them before but he explained that the ex has helped him before and he wants to compensate her. I found out once that he met her while I was away and I got angry and wanted to quit the relationship. There has been lots of issues surrounding me being with him whiles the ex girl was there first; ( his mum preferred the ex because she was always around the family.)
Knowing how jealous he gets when even talking to a male friend, I was unable to open up to him about meeting any friend who happens to be a male not for any bad reasons but for the sake of mere friendship. I still didn’t know his reasons why he doesn’t find it safe for a female to get close to a male even just as friends. During our final year, I got pregnant for him, initially he wanted the pregnancy in order to convince the mum that it’s me he truly wanted, but after it came, we both got scared and he decided we terminate it, I didn’t support the idea, I made one of his sisters aware of the situation, since it was just the first week of missing my period, he got me a tablet to get rid of it, it was soo difficult but I finally did it, an experience I wouldn’t ever repeat????.
After school we both decided to do our service in the same region but he changed his region without my knowledge, I forgave him. I didn’t want to stay too far from him because of his jealousy level. We finally went to our various duty post of service. I have had instances where I have been disrespected from part of his family because not all liked me, which is mostly normal.
Just 6 months of staying apart during our national service he kept getting angry about things that never existed. Getting angry because he called and it was on call waiting. Getting angry over every little thing. Blaming me of cheating, so I decided to call off the relationship. I later met some one but it lasted for 2 months because I didn’t know how to love that person as much as I loved my ex. I made my ex aware of that 2 months relationship yet we kept seeing each other.
After my service I kept in touch with him hoping he and I would solve our differences. It almost got solved, we tried to make up. Few weeks later he visited me at my work place, on his way back home he visited his ex as well and got an accident, thank God he was okay. Ater some days he called me that he was traveling out of the country. That was very heartbreaking cos we had just patched up things, but I trusted what we have for each other just that he probably have distance wahala.
Through and through, our relationship was like 6 years old already apart from the 3 years we already did in Ghana before he travelled to the USA, making it 9 years of being together. It gets very difficult sometimes trying to hold up and not get into any sexual activities with others luckily ,he visited Ghana for my birthday and his own in 2017. We had fun, went on getaways did all we felt like doing, until he had to go back.
I mostly feel like quitting the relationship due to his mum’s disapproval but he condemns my decision and assured me to stay. We kept postponing our marriage ceremony because he badly needed his mum’s approval. The journey hasn’t been easy but I trusted him 100% and he knows it. Even though he didn’t trust me that much. He set me up in 2019 November posing as a different guy on Facebook after breaking into my account and giving me less attention, much attitude, not communicating with me for weeks.
I got fed up so I wasn’t paying attention to his awkward reaction. Lo and behold, I replied the Facebook guy’s message and the conversation was going well.
I was honest to the Facebook guy about being in a relationship but which he is giving me tough times through this whole months. So if I wasn’t going to see any seriousness in him by the following year I was going to move on.
Want to share your story anonymously?
Kindly send a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org