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I’m Suffering but He’s Refusing to See It

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

Kindly post this for your fans to advice me. I was dating this guy for almost three years until we decided to settle down in 2017. In the course of dating I did everything for him as though we were married. I cooked cleaned bought him clothes and even supported him financially when he needed it.

He also did same for me in the first quarter of the start of the Relationship but I asked him not to worry about spending a lot on me since he wasnt earning much. I continued to do everything that I was doing for him anyway.

Fast forward in the Relationship he started dating someone I know and they both kept it a secret from me. He turned to be spending on the other lady. It really broke my heart when I found out and wanted to call it quits with him but his family came in to resolve it and he assured me there’s was nothing going on between them anymore.

We eventually got married traditionally and he said he wasnt going to have any church wedding because he doesnt want to commit himself in anyway that will make his life miserable and he will find it hard coming out of it.

We were living in separate houses until we got married and he decided to get a bigger accommodation for us to move in together. He went alone to get the accommodation and never gave me the opportunity to go see how the place looked and proceeded to make payment for it.

It was after making the payment that he took me there and my heart was really broken. The accommodation was a small old chamber and hall with lots of fault which I thought the Landlord would have repaired after taking the rent but he didn’t. The worse part of it is that the toilet in the house was a pit latrine.

We were alone with Landlord and his family who had a WC in their washroom and only used the pit latrine once a while and each time they flush their WC it comes out to the pit latrine which gets full almost every two months because it wasnt dug deep.

My problem now was that each time I sit on it to poopoo water from the latrine splashes into my private parts and I developed some infections as a result. I complained to my husband often to lets move out or find an alternative but he always said the Landlord said he will work on it and I was like he knew about the issue and should have dug a deeper pit before renting it out but my husband always believed he will dig a deeper pit even though It didnt seem like he was doing it soon.

Sometimes it could take more than a week and I haven’t visited the toilet and there’s no nearby Bush I can visit for convenience. I started climbing on the seat to squat and poopoo until one day the seat removed and I almost sank inside it. I told hubby to please find a Mason to fix it and he never listened so i had to ease on a tissue or paper and lift it and drop it in the pit.

I could no longer contain it and confronted him about it and he said I complained too much and threatened to slap me if I dont stop. This turned into a fight and I reminded him about how he treats me with no iota of respect. He never helps me with any chore in the house though we both go to work and return in the evening, when I clean the house the next moment he will mess the whole place up again.

He allows his family to insult me when ever they are angry with him even though I have never wronged any of them.

When ever they have issues with him they insult him and include me and my family because when he is on good terms with them he goes to tell them everything happening in our home. His brothers wife can even text or call to insult us and when I try to respond he tells me I’m being disrespectful.

After the last fight that saw the Landlords wife coming to separate us I decided to call it quits and moved out to rent my own place. My God father and sister are asking me to go back and make peace with him because God hates divorce

Written by Abena Magis

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