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I’m Gay But I Hate It, Help

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DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I’ve been following your page for a while now and I’ve been shy posting my struggles but I’ve gotten to the point I can’t bear it anymore.
I’m a 26 year old guy. Recently got something substantial doing. All my life I’ve believed in the word of God and tried my human best to live it. There’s this thing I’ve been battling with, I struggle to get attracted to a lady.

As far as my memory can recollect, this thing started in primary school. I didn’t understand why I felt that way especially when I was with my mates or friends. I often felt attracted to them instead of girls. Though I enjoyed the company of girls and even had very close relationship with some growing up it wasn’t that strong. Fast forward to SHS and tertiary this feeling became intense! I tried suppressing it but to no avail. I’ve had girlfriends a few times. I genuinely wanted it to work but it seems some unforseen forces keeps making me feel nothing (sexually) for them. 

Auntie Abena I’m your normal guy. Muscular, okay looking with no history of abuse or anything like that. It was during final year in university that I finally gave in to this feeling. Prior to that I painstakingly explained my situation to my pastor who directed me to a psychoanalyst at Ankaful (psychiatric hospital in Cape Coast) but nothing good came out of it. I met another counselor at UG (university of Ghana). He guided me through a few sessions and prayers but did not seem to change me. 

I have been watching videos of people going through similar experiences on youtube and how they overcame it, still it seems no headway. There are countless professionals and a few men of God I’ve spoken to but none seemed to be able to help me. I’ve had sleepless nights, cried and prayed to God to deliver me from this bondage yet it seems my cries are in vail. I’ve unfortunately engaged in this act several times now that these days going a week without doing it makes me feel very uncomfortable! 

Auntie Abena this is the cross I bear! I know this act is wrong. I’m one of the people who are against this act being legalized in our country! 
The people who matter in my life will be badly hurt if they get to know about this. I’ve tried to tell my sister so that at least the burden will be easier but I might break her heart. I lost my mom recently and maybe she could have helped. 

I’m in a mess auntie. I know I can’t continue like this but where do I turn to? Who will help me? I will love to have a family of my own. A god-given wife and 2 children! Now I’m afraid to propose to ladies because eventually when they do accept, my conscience hurts because I might not be able to love them the way they deserve or satisfy them in a sexual way.

I’ve contemplated suicide several times to end this but I still have hope God has a plan for me.  I need help! Please the insults should be considerate!

Want to share your story anonymously? Kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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2 Comments

  1. Kindly ask him to go and see lawyer Moses Foh Amoaning. Moses WILL be of tremendous help to to our brother. If he WANTS his LIBERATION, then it is IMPERATIVE he countacts MT Foh Amoaning

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