I Regret It All But Nobody Believes Me


I regret it all but nobody believes that I’ve changed. I don’t blame them but everyday someone refers me to something I did. Not that there was no money but dad was stingy AF. Always talking about no wastage of money. Man had a good salary but wouldn’t buy you stuff and kept saying I should finish school, start work and make my own money. I didn’t understand that it was training he was giving me not to become entitled but I became greedy and angry.

I fell into some bad company and the first time I gave them the tip off to rob us was when I was 13. Anytime something good came to the house, I made my friends come and rob us. I was a good boy at home so they never suspected anything. The first time I joined them rob was when the leader got arrested. We went to rob my house and 2 neighbors house. Everything went wrong and dad got stabbed. It affected him and he can’t walk since then.

Money wasn’t coming in because I was then doing drugs. My mother could get me into high school but my behavior didn’t make me last there and I’ll be suspended. I never finished high school because of juvey. I got back out and life was hard. My small bro got a good chance to travel outside. I stole the money meant for his expenses. It took him 2 years to get that chance again. I had 3 kids by the time I was 23 and didn’t care about those kids. I just don’t know why I was like that and always pitied my mother when I heard her praying for me. I thought it was a waste of time.

A car crash brought everything down. I saw my life and how I lived. I prayed to God to give me another chance, any chance to live and I’ll change. I survived and after I was in coma, told my family everything I did. I don’t think they can really forgive me. I’m not sure. I’ve been trying to do better every day but my best isn’t good enough. I live on my own but when I go to visit, there’s this tension when money is mentioned. They’re afraid I will hear and do worse. I won’t do it anymore but I guess I’m tired. I wanted you to share on the page but I don’t know if the comments will favour me. I won’t charge them for any insults, I don’t blame them. I blame myself.

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Written by Abena Magis

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