I Feel Like Poisoning My Kids and I


I’ve been in a depressed situation that’s made me contemplate suicide because there is no one to talk to and the few ones I am able to open up to don’t also believe me because my husband is a very nice person outside. Meanwhile I have ever tried committing suicide some years back.

He married me when I was very young and decided what I should become in terms of profession. He determines the kind of friends I should have and made me contract several loans for us to buy lands and develop properties all in his name. Also he virtually treats me like a child. What he wants is what should happen. He doesn’t care about my feelings. When it comes to house keeping money he gives 200 cedis as and when he likes.

Sometimes it can take up to 4 to 5 months before he gives me house keeping money. When I ask him for it too he will tell me either he loaned it out to a friend or he doesn’t have. I have reported him to Rev. Fathers, his family, my immediate family and some of his friends but to no avail. He supports and helps people outside but when it comes to me n our four children (girls) he doesn’t care.
When I pack out to my parents too they ask me to go back because of the children.

His behavior is choking me this time round. Our maize and rice got finished in February and I told him and he refused to buy. He doesn’t care where I get flour to prepare Tuo Zaafi for the family and rice to cook for the kids to school. When he returns from his outing he will come and ask for food. Our bathing soap got finished and I was waiting to see if he will buy, can you believe this man was bathing with omo and even asked the children to do same? I bought a cake of soap and he dropped it in omo containing water so that it will melt for us all to be bathing with omo just because I complained I can’t bath with omo.

I reported him to the Rev. Father who blessed our marriage and he called him for them to talk but my husband refused to honour the invitation. Now my problem is if I pack back to my parents they will plead with me to go back because of the children. My first daughter is in form three and about to write her BECE so I don’t want to do anything to distract her.

I always feel like putting poison in food for us all to just die because I feel he knows I can’t starve my kids that’s why he is misbehaving and disrespecting me.
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Written by Abena Magis

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