DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,
I need help and advice because my emotions are killing me? and I am dying here slowly. I am the only male child of my parents amongst 7 other siblings who are all female. In 2016, I experienced a near fatal heart break for the first time in my life and it landed me at the hospital, then in my recovery I met this Fante girl. She really helped me in my recovery processing and we were soo full of love.
I wasn’t working by then but she understood me even though she wasn’t working and still now working because I was barely in school. She could travel far and wide, even to the extend of moving from her region to my region just to see me with her last pesewa to meet me. As much as I wasn’t having much on me, I tried to give her back all she spent on me in cash indirectly. I would never have thought for a second that she would change because we were soo much into each other.
Two years down the line, I was awarded for my humanitarian work and I journeyed all the way to her place to meet her immediately I returned because she was the first person I wanted to share my joy with. She was soo good to me on that day, until during the night whilst she was bathing & her phone was unlocked and was on the bed. I took her phone watching her very beautiful pictures until a messaged popped up from her WhatsApp that “Hello Sweetheart”.
Suddenly I got emotional scared and curiosity made me tap on the message. I read the chats of my girlfriend to this supposed stranger: Apparently the guy is in the UK and he is dating my woman. They’ve been doing video calls, and talking that long on phone for almost 3 months. I dug deeper, then I realized my woman had sent her naked pictures and even her nude video to the guy. I cried. I felt the hurt and pain. When she returned from the bathroom I tried to compose myself. I kept it to myself too. That evening we made love and all that. The following day when I was leaving I confronted her if she was dating anyone else and she said No. Until I showed her the evidence. I know it wasn’t right for me to go through her phone, but I am human too and I ain’t all perfect.
Her excuse was that “I wanted more attention and wasn’t getting it from you.” Meaning me that I’m in Ghana no, she wasn’t getting enough attention from me but rather from a distant person in the UK. Honestly she apologized and I felt she was remorseful so I forgave her when I got back to Accra that day. In fact I loved her and I still do. I felt she was there when no one was by my side and I would be dishonest to God and to myself if I ever stopped loving her because I really do love her and I’ve proved my love for her over and over and over.
A friend advised me to spend more time with her. So that made me visit her almost every weekend. She also did her best to visit me too. My family loved her and that incident was kept between she and I alone. I realized she was making a lot of effort to make this relationship work. A year after, I was recruited as an officer in one of the most prestigious security service. There again, she got my back 24/7. She would break protocols to visit me at the training school anyhow she could even when it was unofficial. After my graduation from my officers course, she said she badly wanted to move in with me because we were at the verge of settling down finally and I was soo happy.
That was when the second phase of the whole problem started. I realized my woman was a very loud person, something I’d never noticed before. She would always check my phone. She asks questions about everything I do. Personally I did my best to be very transparent with her until a lot of temptations also started coming my way. Ladies were all over me, and would text me in an usual manner. A lot at times I never told her because I am one person who really respects her privacy and mine. Someway somehow she hacked my phone and saw all my messages with a lot of women. And the truth is that, I text all my female friends “Baby” because I feel the “Hello” is too much for me to type. Also she saw chats of ladies who had wanted me in the past and some that I was close to.
The truth is, I had no intimate relationship with any of them. Then she started denying me from touching her even though I wasn’t bothered much, and she would always shout at me. All what she does is cook, and sleep and go out. I did my best to talk to her, go out with her to fancy places and all that but I realized she had changed totally. She said her family is saying she shouldn’t stay with me and all that. Then I realized I should just go and marry her because I didn’t know what was keeping me from doing that. I proposed to her even publicly and she said Yes. I went to take the bride price list from her family. Then again I realized my woman now became worse. I am the very quiet type and I always want to be happy and smile every day because already my job as a security officer is already stressful. The only way to be happy and unstressed is to come home and meet my woman full of love and happiness. But it was the opposite for her. In fact I love her soo much in a way one would think she has brainwashed me spiritually but that is the way I love and I made her understand I ain’t going anywhere no matter what.
Recently she reported me to Human Rights because she claims I had access to her phone when I bought it for her and altered her logins. The Human Rights people called me, and I explained the whole thing to the HR officer and they even realized that I was in an abusive relationship. This lady abuses me verbally and all I do is keep mute and beg her. But she is a good person, she wasn’t like that. I really love her. As I am typing this I have journeyed all the way from Accra to meet her but she is treating me very rudely and doesn’t even want to see me.
The button line is, she says she needs time and space to consider if she wants me. Hmm…this is a lady I’ve been together with for 6 years now and we’ve been through thick and thin together. She insults me and uses harsh words on me yet I am doing my best as a guy for her. I am emotionally weak and I don’t know what to do. What does it mean by she wants time and space? What do I do because it’s affecting me emotionally and productivity wise at work? I really need help ?She is all over my mind and I seems not to be able to do anything if I don’t hear from her? She doesn’t pick up my calls neither does she chats me yet she is online 24/7 ? I really need an honest advise, no insults please ???