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I Also Love My Wife but Can’t Starve Myself

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

I share exactly the same concern with the gentleman with the story captioned “I love my wife but I can’t keep starving” so I won’t bother to rewrite it. I now know I am not the only one going through this, so I will share my story. In my case someway somehow, I managed to solve it my own way but with some problems attached.

My wife and I are almost 3 years in marriage and it’s been such a terrible experience. When we were almost 2 years into the marriage, I decided to get myself a side lady, because of the very poor nature of our sex life. It was such a tough decision for me to make but I needed to, to save myself from all those psychological stress.

Before I took that step, I intentionally set out some signs to let my wife know that I was cheating. She was less bothered because she knew there was no way I was going to cheat on her (because I don’t joke with my faith).

Thankfully I got myself a side lady but sadly, I couldn’t get intimate with her till we ended the relationship. We tried on 3 occasions but anytime we were about to become intimate, I would stop, give excuses and run back home because my faith wouldn’t allow me). I would always hope to get intimate with my wife but I would as usual be turned down. I’d then resort to a one man show even though that too was a struggle.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CLRdABhpNW9/?igshid=1t9ylr5w9bxe

After some time, I decided to man up and satisfy my sexual needs. This time around, I wanted to do it with our house help. I spoke to her and she agreed but I was never able to do it. I later apologized to her, asked my wife to excuse her to go back and I set her up to learn a trade. I was so ashamed of myself. Anyway, my wife never got to know of it.

I knew the reason why I wasn’t able to cheat was my faith so I decided to distance myself from my higher power, worship and readings. I manned up and got myself another side lady. The first time having sex with someone aside my wife (because I had only known my wife all this while) was met with mixed feelings. On one side, I felt bad because I had cheated on my wife, something I promised myself not to.

On the other side, I felt happy because I had a great sex. It was the first time going for more than one round much to my surprise. It was not even 2 but 3 rounds in a night with each one spanning for several minutes (this was of much concern to me because I had always thought I wasn’t man enough to have more than one round per night, and even to go over 2 minutes). I really discovered myself.

Memories of it ran in my head for days which made me decide to stop but I couldn’t withstand my wife’s poor sex life and went back after a month. For the past 5 months, I visit her once a month, and a session with her is able to sustain me for a month.

The problem is that now bit by bit, whatever my wife does at home does not interest me anymore. Also, I am beginning to have some deep feelings for my side lady. What bothers me most is how I have distanced myself from my higher power. It worries me a lot, at times, I feel like I have failed myself. I need to know what others think and which way to go. Thanks.

Want to share your story anonymously? Kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

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Written by Abena Magis

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