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How Do I Manage a Relationship with Someone With Two Kids?

Hello Aunty Abena Manokekame, please I need you and your fans to help me with some advice on my current puzzle of life which I don’t know how to solve. Here we go.

I’m a lady of 21 years coming from a family of broken homes. My dad has 3 children including me but all of us have different mothers and my mum also has 4 kids with different father’s. When I was 17, I had already starting dating but deep down in my heart I wanted to break that chain of broken homes in my family since from a thorough screening within both families there’s not even one person who has given birth with one partner.

My first relationship was with a man who is 26 years older than me and I was a teenager. Let’s call him Kofi. Well he told me he had kids already but divorced. Hmmmm we dated till pregnancy set in so I asked him to come see my parents for marriage before I give birth That’s when Kofi told me that he’s still married and hasn’t divorced. He said he’s in love with me and wants to take care of both the child and I but marriage is not possible. I told him what I’ve running away from and trying to break that chain so it goes against my values. I then ended things with him and aborted the pregnancy.

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In my late months of age 19, I moved into a new relationship with a guy (Kwame). I loved him for who he is and since he was from a poor background I guessed we shared something in common. Hmmmm. Ah well I don’t really come from a poor background. It’s just that my mum sees me as a hindrance to her getting a good education and getting a husband since no one wants to marry a girl who already has a child. She got pregnant whiles in school so at a point I saw literal hate towards me.

She’s the reason I had to start dating early because she kept telling me when she was not yet my age, she was catering for herself and her cousins without any parents helping her. My Dad on the other side is a giver only outside his home since he’s protecting his reputations. He hardly helps or provide at home but pretends outside. Moreover he always wished for a male whiles all his children are female so he hardly does anything for me. So I’ve always seen myself as from a poor background.

During my relationship with Kwame it was all lovey-dovey within the first 4 months but he started maltreating me and everything else was just toxic. I always thought I’m the problem so I will be at my lowest all the time trying to prove to him that I love him, until I got pregnant for him too. We went to the hospital to confirm it and when we got back. I asked him about how our preparations would be towards the pregnancy. He rather threatened me that if I ever decide to keep the pregnancy he would deny it infront of his family.

That he doesn’t have money to give me to get it done so he’s expecting me to clear it, that’s his terms. Out of pain I talked to a friend about it and she bought me the medicine so I can pay later.but upon telling him I have aborted it so he’s now free to do as he wishes with his life,this guy went to the extra mile to tell me he’s sorry n he wasn’t ready for a baby and a whole lot. But I just couldn’t stand the hurt since I felt so attached to the baby (11weeks gone) that I aborted, so I decided to quit and heal. And here lies the puzzle here.

I met a guy (Louis) we have been just friends for sometime now and I feel it’s getting intense. I made a decision to just live alone and not date anymore but this guy is a good person. He made his intentions and feelings clear to me but I just feel scared. I have opened up to him about my reason for not wanting to be in a relationship again but omitted the pregnancy parts. Yet I can feel he’s real.

He kept behaving weird of late so I decided to ignore him only for him to open up to me about what he’s going through and it’s just sad. He comes from a very renowned family, they are very rich but aren’t supportive. Then one of his uncles asked him to come manage his businesses for him and he will be paid monthly.

2 weeks after his arrival, he started dating one of the ladies (Cynthia) in the company. Not knowing the lady was also dating his uncle so when the rumors spread about him dating Cynthia, the family didn’t bother because they wanted to cover things up without the uncle’s wife and her family knowing what’s at stake. But before the family got to know, Cynthia was already pregnant. Hmmmm according to him, they tried to abort the baby since the lady doesn’t know who the pregnancy belongs to but had no luck.

As if that’s not bad enough, when he was dating Cynthia, he was also going out with another lady who already had two kids but the lady was just in for a child (at least that’s what he told me). He also said that the lady is rich and kept telling him she just wants his baby but he took it for fun until she got pregnant after 7 months of dating whiles making him believe she’s on family planning so he felt relaxed to release in her.

Now the rich lady has gave birth like 3 months ago and he’s expecting another child from Cynthia. He opened up to me on this because he feels I don’t deserve to be hurt and broken since I love him and I’m honest to him. According to him I’m the perfect girl he wished for since I’ve got all the qualities but he has already messed up in his life and always feels depressed inside, but believe me he’s the happiest person you would ever know of if you know nothing about what’s happening in his life.

Now all the money he earns goes into the kids’ catering and he feels like he’s not living. There have been a couple of times he has talked about how death would be easy since life is so hard. His mom and the entire family have sworn not to hold any of his kids but they come to him when they’re in need and it’s killing him inside that yes he knows he brought it all up on himself but he’s not got even one person to ask him how it’s going hmmmm.

In everything I do, I try not to be judgemental because we all have a chapter we don’t want to read out loud but here I am scared of loving someone for who he is because of what happened between Kwame and I. I decided to love him based on his efforts to keep the relationship without draining myself and losing myself. Yet I don’t know what to do at the moment.

I don’t know whether to follow my heart or let him be. Secondly if I do decide to be with him, how do I handle this. How is life like with a partner who already has kids? How do you relate to them? I’m so confused right now with different thoughts surfacing each other. I lost two kids and my partner to-be is bringing two kids into our midst. My mind is so complicated right now. Please I seek knowledge. Please help me out.

Want to share your story anonymously kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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