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Everytime I See My Son I Remember His Wicked Father

John was my first love and he was the first man I ever took home. Auntie Abena, everyone loved him from the first second of introduction and he always went out of his way to make them know how much he loved me. We met when I was 18 but married when I was 26. He waited for 3 years without sex but in our 4th year asked for sex and I gave in.

We got married and I only enjoyed for the first week when we went on our honeymoon. We came back and he told me to go and stay with my parents, he’ll let me know when he wants me back. Ah John! I didn’t want to go and he packed my everything and took me back to my parents house. Everyone thought he’d sacked me from the marriage because for 4 months he wasn’t picking my calls. Then he finally came and told me to go back. I was happy to because all the gossip and questions were too much for me.

We went back and I saw another woman in my bed. I was his wife but he had other women. He always said, “if it’s too much for you divorce isn’t that difficult.” I had to accept his cheating as a normal thing for me and endured pregnancy and a man who didn’t care about me. Sometimes his girlfriends will come and cook for me to eat due to the complications I was suffering. He kept saying I was just being lazy and when I went into labour at 7 months he told me to stop behaving like a child. He refused to take me to the hospital until he saw the blood. I lost the baby and he accused me of aborting his child.

I hid all the beatings I received from him. I didn’t want to go back home to face all the gossip again. He knew it and took advantage. Nothing I did made him happy and he took happiness from raping me every time he got drunk and that’s how I got pregnant with my son.

My husband sacked me again to my parents’ house but this time because of the pregnancy people understood him. It was there my parents saw the old wounds from a hot iron, belt, his shoe and when he pushed my head against the door handle for sleeping too deep at 3am that I didn’t hear him at the gate. Hmmm. They told me never to go back there which I decided to follow. After I gave birth this man wanted me to go back before we plan the Naming. My parents said no and he called them insulting them. He was coming over that night when he got involved in an accident.

Now, my son is 8 years and I’m married again to a wonderful man but auntie Abena, he resembles his father so much and behaves like him so much that unfortunately I’ve started hating my own son. I don’t want to see or hear him. I shout at him even when he’s not done anything wrong and he keeps asking me why do I hate him? I have another boy who is almost 3 years old but all my love goes to him. I know it’s not my son’s fault but when I see him, I remember what I went through I don’t know what to do anymore. Please help me

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Written by Abena Magis

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