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Am I Being a Nagging Wife?

DEAR AUNTIE ABENA,

My husband and I are both security personnels but the unfortunate thing is that we don’t live together. Due to the nature of the work both of us are living in separate regions. I’m currently working on my transfer to join him at his station so we can live together and enjoy our new home. We have actually been married for just 8 months so we’re still trying our possible best to make marriage life a comfortable one for both of us.

Due to distance and our work, we visit each other like a month or two. The longest time was three months before we could be together. This is a man who really loves me and I adore him as well..
Now to the main issue, my husband is a man who does his things ”anyhow” I mean carelessly. When he comes back from town, he’ll remove his shirt, throw it in the couch, remove his shorts and leave it on the floor in de hall.

For Christ’s sake, the hall! He hardly helps me with the chores in the house with the mentality that the chores are for wives. Fine I will glady do them but my problem is should he keep throwing his things around in the house?

Imagine that just yesterday in the morning, I was sweeping and mopping but he laid on the bed and didn’t even lift a finger to help me. I got to the bedroom where he was having his quiet time. I didn’t want to disturb him so I did the cleaning, washed afterwards and cooked only for me to enter the bedroom to see that he had left the bible he used for devotion on the floor. The bed was messy as well when he knew very well I would have laid the bed if he hadn’t been lying on it at that moment.

I intentionally called him and asked if he intentionally left the Bible on the floor or it mistakenly fell. To my surprise, he said he prefers the bible being on de floor so I should leave it there. You can imagine the look on my face. Smh. Hmm I picked it up and placed it at the right place. I mostly overlook so many things he does because I know I am the wife so I should always keep the house in order but not when he does these things.

When I try to correct him, he tell me, ”that’s why you are the wife so do it” or says that’s how he is so I shoupd get used to it. This is a man I’m going to spend my entire life with for God’s sake. Just now, I wanted to prepare supper on time since we will be going for evening service at church. He asked me to blend some kenkey for him and I pleaded with him that since he is idle in the hall doing nothing, why doesn’t he come and do it since he knows I’m really busy.

He agreed actually but the worse happened. After peeling off the kenkey, he washed his hands in the water I’m using to rinse the utensils I’m washing. Only for me to turn and see drops of kenkey in the clean water I am using. I actually questioned him on why he did that since he knows the taps ain’t flowing and I am trying to manage the water because we don’t know when the water will flow again. I went out to pick up a mop to clean the floor only to see de kenkey husks on the burner I’m cooking on when there is a dustbin in the kitchen. He even bypassed this dustbin before leaving the kitchen.

I actually got so angry but I decided not to say anything even though I was boiling with anger. I changed my mind and confronted him on why he refuses to do things right even when he can. All that he could say was, “what’s wrong with you doing it right?” And this is a man who hardly helps me with chores in the house.

He actually sits down doing nothing to help me. I will work myself out from morning to evening, getting into bed so tired and exhausted and when I complain of being too tired for bedmatics, he’ll start complaining. Am I being a bad wife or he isn’t being fair to me as a wife?

Want to share your story anonymously kindly send a mail to manokekame@gmail.com

Written by Abena Magis

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